Postpartum

Let's jump back 8 years to the birth of my first child. Labor and delivery was what you would expect on your first child. The first one paves the way right! I had read every book they had about being pregnant and the first year after baby. I took birthing classes and did everything one is suppose to do when getting ready for their baby. I was nervous but kept telling myself women have been doing this for years, it can't be that hard. I was wrong! I had no idea what I was doing, I got the epidural after a few hours of laboring at which point I had no idea how to push. After hours of "pushing" our beautiful son was born. A fourth degree tear for me, a collapsed lung for my son, and a very shaken up husband, but we did it! I thought the labor would be the hardest part, boy was I sorely mistaken. I spent night after night not sleeping, our son had colic and screamed constantly. My husband and I literally took turns wearing ear plugs because his cry was so piercing. I was beyond exhausted a mombie is the best word for it. The two cases of mastitis and three ear infections in a row for my little man didn't help with the sleep deprivation either.

With ever hurdle came a millions justifications of why I wasn't feeling normal. I told myself it was just lack of sleep, my emotions running high from not feeling well. Maybe it was my frazzled nerves from hours of listening to a screaming baby in pain and not knowing how to help him that was making me feel this way. By "this way" what I mean is snappy, irritated, sad, mad a cocktail of horrible feeling all mixed together. Feelings that at times were so intense I struggled to be a reasonable human being. I would have anxiety attacks over things that seem small now but felt like huge problems then. I would convince myself that the whole world was against me, including my husband. I cant even imagine what he was going through. I am sure there were times he was afraid to come home, not sure what version of myself I would be that day. I couldn't see what was reality and what I had made up in my head. Sadly after a year I still wasn't doing great emotionally or mentally. I felt so alone. I went from having a job where I was appreciated to a job with no vacations or breaks, I was on call 24/7. A job that no matter how hard I tried I felt I was failing. When I finally realized how I was feeling wasn't "normal" I employed the help of my sister. She helped me get my life and health on the right track, she was my light in all the darkness. After a mixture of eating better, exercising, foot zoning, and overall just taking better care of myself I pulled through.

I do feel like a huge factor in my struggling with postpartum depression was not admitting/trying to hide it. I never wanted to admit that I wasn't killing it at life. I felt so embarrassed that this mothering thing didn't come natural to me. It came so naturally to everyone else, but I felt like I was drowning...

I have loved ones that have suffered with depression, I have seen first hand how hard it is for all parties involved. For any of you struggling with this yourself know your not alone. Ask a friend or family member to watch the baby while you nap/shower/cry. There is no shame in asking for help. Hugs go out to all you amazing mothers out there, you are more valued, beautiful and bad ass then you will ever know💕

My New Obsession

I have a new obsession at the moment...Makeup! I have always loved it, but have always felt guilty for buying it. Buy something for myself that is absurd! At least that was what I always thought, but now I am thinking YES!I am going to splurge and buy myself something that makes me smile.

I have fell into the makeup subscription fad, and I am loving every minute of it. Remember as a kid when you would get so excited for Christmas you could hardly sleep? Well my subscription addiction isn't quite that extreme but it is pretty close!

Here are all the boxes I got this month I will give you a summary of there cost, content, and value. I am so excited for this post. I know it may not be for everyone, but it definitely brings a smile to my face!!

1..Target Beauty Box $7

This box isn't a "monthly subscription" in the sense that you aren't on the line every month. You have to watch for it to be release then go on and buy it, they don't save your info then automatically send it out to you. They also show you what will be in the box, so you can decide if its items you will use. The price varies from $5-$10 depending on what is inside. The con to this is that they sell out fast so if you miss it you have to try again next month.

Content of this box (all travel size):

~Soapbox Shampoo and Conditioner

~Dove Dry Shampoo

~Jergens Natural Glow Lotion

~Neutrogena Lip gloss in Radiant Rose

~Skinfix Foaming Oil Cleanser

~Missha Time Revolution The First Treatment Essence

I am not sure of the overall value of this one but it's like paying $1 each.

2..BoxyCharm $21/Monthly

This box is a monthly subscription. Meaning that unless you go on and skip/cancel your subscription you will be billed and sent a box every month. This box sends out 4-5 full or luxury size items. For those of you interested in trying BoxyCharm here is a link to sign up https://boxycharm.com/refer/Elsa-TWRCAWGI

Contents of this box:

~Urban Rustic Palette retail: $39.99 beautiful metallic colors

~Deluxe Fan Brush by Crown Brush retail $18.99 love this brush perfect for contouring

~Smashbox Photo Finish Primer retail $16.00 I don't love the texture of this but it does the job

~Realher Lip Liner: $12.50 color was a very deep red

~Dirt Little Secret Liquid Lipstick: retail $14.00 color is a very vibrant red
*I found it strange that the lip liner and lipstick didn't really match?*

Overall Value $101.48!!

3..FabFitFun $49.99/Quarterly I used a link to get $10 off, I have it listed below for you!

This box only comes four times a year and has more than just makeup products. All in full size, which I love! It is also a subscription so unless you cancel they will send it every three months. Here is the link to get $10 off your first box http://xo.fff.me/ffuE_

Contents of this box:

~Gypsy Roundie: retail $50 I will definitely get a lot of use out of this for picnics and laying out.

~Briogeo Leave in Conditioner: retail $20 This smells awesome, great for after swimming!

~Dr. Brandt Microdermabrasion Age Defying Exfoliate: retail $79 Soo expensive, but I used it last night and loved it!

~Milly Zip Pouch: retail $45 Mine says Resting Beach Face, its a waterproof zipper bag for wet
swimsuits or to keep your valuables from getting wet while ate the beach.

~Kuruna Face Masks: retail $28 Masks to hydrate your face, excited to try these babies out!

~Realher Lip Kit: retail $48 Set came with liner, liquid lipstick, and gloss.

~Luv AJ earrings: retail $85 14k Rose platted crawlers and stud earrings.

~Deborah Lippmann Nail Polish Set: retail $19 Seven-Free nail polish in a pearl and light pink. Less chemicals so I feel better about putting them on my little girls when we do nails!
 

Overall Value $374!!
**I do want to say they value of some of the items in this box seem a bit ridiculous. That being said I still feel the value was well over $200 in my eyes! I am very pleased with my boxes!

Sick Kids

The past week my two little girls have been sick runny nose, high fevers, and coughs. My husband and I have not had a decent nights sleep all week... Well I haven't had a decent nights sleep since the baby was born, but that is part of the package having a nursing baby.

I am now at the exhaustion point were my body actually believes it doesn't need sleep. If your a mother you know what I am talking about... The point where your body has learned that the second it tries to go to sleep your baby will stir and start to cry/cough. Now, luckily instead of wanting to cry with frustration your body decides it doesn't want to play this way anymore. It just gives up on sleep all together. I lie awake with a mind that wont stop. Its frustrating at times, but if you give in it can actually be pretty amazing. Night is when I have my best brain storms, night is when I can watch MY shows and not Elena of Avalor or a rerun of Octonauts. I can sit on my phone for hours if I want, updating myself on the outside world. These are the joys of motherhood...

I wanted to share somethings with you all that I do when my kids are sick to help fight the bug....

Frozen WILD blueberries (not all grocery stores sell them, mostly health food stores). They are frozen so it helps cool them down when their fevers are running high. They also help fight virus along with like a million other things.

Soaking in the tub for at least 20 minutes in essential oils, right now we are doing Eucalyptus- for the congestion and Lavender oil to help sooth and relax. There are tons of others that we could use these are just the ones I had on hand.

I have also been giving them pro biotic to build their immune systems (We have all been pounding them so we don't keep spreading sickness around). I have a powder form for my kids that I mix with equal parts coconut water and apple juice. A big problem when kids get sick is that they wont eat or drink a lot and dehydration is a big issue. I have found that if I can get them to drink coconut water mixed with some kind of juice (that they love) it keeps them nice and hydrated.

These are just some tips and tricks I have learned and wanted to share with any of you new moms or moms that have been grasping for ideas on how to help your sick babes. I know when my kids are sick I am willing to try anything, if your like me give these things a try! I hope they help you, the way they have helped us.

5k

Three years ago I talked my husband into getting a treadmill. I argued that maybe if working out was a little bit more convenient I would actually do it. During my first "run" I realized that I was the least athletic person in the world. I ran for about two minutes before my legs felt like they were going to give out and I was going to cough up blood. Rather than admit defeat I told myself that I would just start out slow, well after a month it got real slow. It slowed down to the point of not even happening anymore, until finally it became a drying rack for all of our clothes.

Even though I hate running I have always wanted to run a 5K. I ran/walked one as a teenager and loved the feeling of accomplishment it gave me when I crossed the finish line. I found a 5K that sounded fun and bought my ticket. No backing out now! I had no idea where to start, but I knew I needed a plan. I didn't want to phone it in on this race. I took to Pinterest searching "Beginners Guide to Running a 5K". Printed me out a 30 day workout challenge and got to it. I started small like before, but this time I didn't give up. I finished that 30 day challenge and started another. 

There were of course many days when I was so exhausted I was literally holding on for dear life and dragging my body through the work out. Days that when I finally got done I had to lay on the floor cause my legs were shaking like a new born giraffes. The hardest part about those days is getting done with the workout and wishing I could just fall on my bed and not move a muscle for at least 6 hours! Then reality hits and I remember I'm a mom and have to chase after my kids. In fact as I'm running on the treadmill I can see little fingers sticking underneath the door. Even though daddy is there, the fact that I am behind this closed doors makes them need ME even more. I will be lucky if  I have enough time to shower afterward.

I was smart this time though I got a friend that committed to running the 5K with me. There was no backing out now, I couldn't go back on my word. I knew if I didn't lock myself in I would quit, when things get hard or complicated I run (ha ha actually I walk). I am hitting two birds with one stone here. Fulfilling my dream to run a 5K and also sticking it out when things get tough.

I will have an update post when I finally cross that finish line, so stay tuned in!

Introductory

New Years Eve 2017, I am explaining resolutions to my four year old. She looks at me with her big almond shaped eyes and says, "What are your resolutions?"...My mind went completely blank. Here I am twenty-nine years old with no dreams or aspirations. How did this happen? Somewhere along the way in this adventure called motherhood I lost myself.

I will admit I am an extremist by nature, so when it comes to being a mother I focus every thought and moment to "mothering". I am a prime example of a helicopter mom, if you aren't one yourself you know someone who is. I have been running myself ragged trying to be the perfect mom. Then lay awake at night still feeling like in some way I have failed.

This self doubt was draining me. I was always struggling to do more, even though my plate was already full. More playdates, more one-on-one time with the kids, more gourmet meals (that the kids would never eat), more organized home, more and more. This left me with less and less. Less time for anything that didn't completely revolve around my kids. When I did finally take time for myself I always felt guilty, but why? Mothers should never feel guilty taking time to recharge...

I work so hard to teach my children to be themselves, but how do I teach them something I am not even sure of myself? So hear I am on this crazy journey to finding myself, and one thing I have found is that I have a lot to share. So let's get started...

*Disclaimer not everything I share will be of interest  to everyone. If you find yourself reading through a post and you think to yourself "wow she really is just talking out loud right now" feel free to skip it. I understand that all the things that appeal to me, won't always appeal to you. That is ok, it's things like that make us who we are💕